Coming clean...

I have a confession to make, and it's not going to be pretty. I've been feeling like shit for, oh, way too long. Probably about a year, or two. And when I say feeling like shit, I mean physically, mentally, emotionally, the works. 2015 has been pretty rough, to be honest. And as much as I try to be "in the moment", I am looking forward to this year being behind me. So without getting too "Livejournalish", let me tell you a little bit about what has been going on. Maybe my story and experiences will help you, or someone you know. And that will somehow make it all worthwhile, right?

Sometime in 2011

First, a little back story. In 2011, I was the unhealthiest I have ever been. I was the heaviest, biggest, un-fittest version of Corey you can imagine. I have pictures to prove it. See? Pretty bad. I was in an unhealthy relationship, eating take-out multiple nights a week, drinking a lot of red wine, and very infrequently and very half halfheartedly working out. It was an extremely toxic situation. And one day, what I then thought to be a catastrophic event (read: breakup) occurred. What I didn't know was that that catastrophic event would be a turning point in my life. Possibly one of the most important "two roads diverged in a yellow wood" moments. One that would lead me down a path that along the way brought me to CrossFit and thus tuned me into the "paleo" approach to eating.

Fast forward 4+ years and this version of Corey eats pretty clean, rarely gets takeout, is in a much better place mentally, and is fit, for the most part. I hit a high point in June of 2013 where, in the middle of a workout, I thought about taking off my shirt and working out in my sports bra. I remember it clearly - it was stupid hot, we were doing some awful workout with burpees and I thought, "hey, I bet I would be less hot if I took my shirt off. It's completely soaked through and weighing me down anyway." I feel like this is my measurement of ultimate fitness - if I almost take my shirt off in a workout. Well, I didn't, but that was pretty much the last time I can recall feeling that confident in my body.

Since then, it has been a slow and slippery slide back to a not so great place for me. It really is amazing how everything is intertwined, isn't it? When so many things feel like they are out of control - work, relationships, eating, body image, fitness, health - it's hard to tell where one crappy emotion starts and the other one finishes. Maybe once or twice (or more than that, but who's counting), work stress has caused me to buy cheese puffs, which causes my stomach to freak out, which leads to a bad workout and an annoyed boyfriend because all I do is complain about how much my stomach hurts. It also leads to tighter pants, which means "surplus jeans" need to be purchased, which puts a huge dent in the ego, which leads to, you guessed it "cheese puffs", because if I already had to go out and buy "surplus jeans" I might as well make good use of them. Ugh.

You might look at that scenario and say "hey get rid of the work stress! That looks to be the first domino to fall that caused this chain of events". And maybe you're right. But then maybe something else might become the new cheese-puff-inducing stress event. The fact of the matter is, there will always be stress. And there will always be cheese puffs (yes!). But if I can break the link between the stress and the puffs, well, then now we're getting somewhere.

I once read that for some people, food can literally be as addicting as drugs. I truly believe I'm addicted to carbohydrates. And cheese. And if they are combined then forget it, I'm a goner. I've struggled with this for a long, long time. Turning my every day diet around and following a more  paleo approach has helped, but when I cheat, it's on a box of Cheddar Crackers from CVS. So random, but literally the best cheese cracker there is.

Six paragraphs in and I'm struggling to make my point. The point is really two fold. The first part pretty easy and obvious: I need to get "back on the wagon" of clean eating because I generally feel better. The first two weeks are brutal but once you get past that, it's smooth sailing. And I really do enjoy trying to figure out ways to make clean food interesting and delicious. Because let's face it, no one wants to eat grilled chicken and broccoli every day. And boring is my biggest enemy when it comes to food.

The second point is a little less clear, and is still in progress. I've suspected for a long time that I've had food allergies. Gluten was the obvious offender. Every time I ate it, I had significant GI "disruptions". Every damn time. But I continued to lie to myself and order gluten free at a restaurant and tell the server it was just a "preference". Sure, I prefer not having to run to the ladies room 30 minutes after eating a plate of pasta... And I continued to very consciously cheat with gluten items, a la the box of CVS Cheddar crackers. Knowing full well how that was going to make me feel. Which, in hindsight, was really dumb because I think it has done quite a bit of damage.

Dairy, oh sweet dairy was the next culprit to start exhibiting bad behavior. Much less consistently at first, but after a while there was an obvious correlation there as well.

Now you would think being an educated 32 year old woman, I would just not eat those things. But I'm stubborn (I'm Italian, a Leo and a middle child... give me a break). So I kept eating them, and kept putting my body through things I shouldn't have, all for the love of cheese.

I finally came to my senses and sought out professional help. Turns out along with gluten and dairy, eggs, tomatoes and potatoes (not sweet potatoes, thankfully) have been causing me issues. So the plan is to avoid those guys for 4 weeks, let my gut heal, and re-evaluate. The thinking is that I probably did a lot of damage over the last several years, and have created a not-so-friendly environment in my gut. So I may not actually have allergies or sensitives to all these things. But we'll see.

The thing is, for the first time in years, I now have a plan. A plan that someone else, a professional, has validated and is going to coach me through. Sure, people out there might not agree with the approach, or might not believe in food sensitives or allergies, or think that the gluten card is overplayed. But, to be honest, I really don't care. This is what I need to do, for me, to get physically healthy, and to get back to that 2013 Corey that almost took her shirt off in a workout.

Thanks for listening.

For comparison purposes... 2011 vs. 2015.